i'm in shock mode!

it struck me so hard it make me stumble to my feet. i never thought i have change that much. what had cause all this? i wonder what..

a shocking discovery that make my world twist upside down. i hate how it felt. i want to be someone that i used to be.

it make me sad. extremely sad.

worse is that i don't know how to turn back.

Salam Aidil Fitri

hari ini Hari Raya Aidil Fitri.. alhamdulillah.. selepas sebulan berpuasa, kami blk kampung beraya bersama cik dan ayoh serta adik beradik yang lain...

only Allah knows how i feel. it started with a little bit of twist and anger (only with myself not to other) but i managed to cover it up. i managed to let go of the burden and enjoy this moments with my beloved family. and Alhamdulillah, berakah from Allah for my patients, this evening, everything is settled down. solved. end of sad stories. and i felt like a big burden behind my back has been taken away. berkat hari raya. Alhamdulillah... :)

to every Muslims on earth, may Allah bless you and Happy Eidul Fitri.

keluh kesah hati ini.. huk T_T

phew..

cant describe how i fell rite now. kinda ting~tong~...

why?

hurm......... *sigh*

so many things now running in my head, one by one unstoppable since last nite. x tau ape yg duk serabut sgt. sampaikan tido x lena, tido pon asik terjaga² sbb mimpi yg mcm², many of them are bad dreams..

:(

rase stress sgt n depressed. boss kat tempat keje yg sgt x best. anak² yg x sihat lg, bru je baik demam, kena plak sakit mata yg merah bengkak tu. dah la emosi dorg x stabil, asik down and sedih manjang. diri sendiri lg yang x keruan mcm gini.. x suke lah rase yg mcm gini.. skrg kat opis, x de mood nak wat keje.

lucky got my hubby home now. ade la yg kasi tenang sikit, pujuk² sikit.. :) teringat je kat hubby rase nak senyum plak.. smlm dia masak nasik goreng konon nak kasi aku hilang stress.. hehe.. ok la, walaupun x sedap, tp cukup tuk buat aku rase happy n ceria kejab..

tp lepas dia lena smlm, aku plak gelisah x leh nak tido. dah tengah mlm kot bru terlelap. tu pon asik terjaga je sepanjang mlm. restless..

pagi ni bangun kelam kabut skit, terlewat. whatta nice start kan... huhu..

shuhhh pergi jauh segala serabut serabai... shuhhhhh...

New Job - Part 2

ok. skrg da nak masuk 3 weeks aku keje. company yg aku keje ni located kat Paka, Dungun ni je. about 15-20 minutes driving from home. oil and gas company, byk wat job scaffold around Kerteh Plant, also around Melaka, Port Dickson, Johor. but ofis kat Paka ni dia punya HQ ar, kat lain2 tempat klu ade pon site-office je la.

biar dulu la stori pasal ofis, let's talk about my daily routine..

ofkos, lepas keje ni my daily routines have changed completely. i starts my day at 6.20am. klu larat aku bangun kul6. tp normally even da kunci jam kul6 aku akan snooze jam tu smp la 6.20am.. hehe.. x larat ah! syg tido.. :P klu dulu bgun tido ikut suke je la, klu bangun subuh sure sambung tido balik lepas tu. lepas Aina start skolah, aku bangun kul7, kadang2 terlajak smp 7.30am. tp sure kelam kabut dan lewat ar sbb Aina masuk skolah kul8. haha.. sesuke ati jek :P

lepas setel diri sendiri bru kejutkan Aina, mandikan dan siapkan dia. kul7.15am bertolak ar dr umah. kdg² anak² order breakfast, so singgah la minum and breakfast dulu. tp biasenye dorg x selera nak mkn heavy² so singgah bli susu n roti je la tuk dorg.

skolah aina n taska dorg dekat² je, bersebelahan. sampai sane aku hantar aina dulu. ble nak letak Adya taska, masuk la bab emotional tuk aku. Adya akan nangis, sedih, merayu² kat aku. hadoihhh.. x tau nak ckp hape ar... aku mmg akan jd extremely depressed and sad ble adik start nangis mcm tu. 1st day kat taska lepas bi keje aritu, mmg emotional betol aku. melalak aku dlm kete lepas hantar dia kat taska. worse is when bi is not around, x tau nak call sape nak mengadu sedih. nak call kang takut nmpk fragile n lemah plak. i got to stand strong, for the sake of my kids. klu aku sedih, lemah cane dorg nak strong kan..?

so ne la pujuk diri sendiri. then bru leh pujuk adik elok². kadang terpaksa la janjikan rasuah, ibu balik keje nnt ibu belikan eskrim la, coklat la, etc. huhu.. ble dia nangis, aku kat opis mesti menghitung minit dan jam tunggu kul5. tp ble dia x nangis, ok je time hantar kat taska tu, aku kat opis mesti rilek je. buat keje pon tenang je, xde nak tgk2 sgt jam kat dinding tu.. hehe.. betapa keadaan dia memberi effect kat aku kan... sabo je lah.. :P

ble jam da tunjuk kul4.30 bru la terkinja² aku nak balik. mesti rase x sabar². haha.. tepat je jam kul5 terus punch, terus kunci opis, terus keluar. terus gi ambik anak², pelok², cium²... rindu sgt.. hehehhehehahahha.. i dont care whether it's pathetic or not, that's how i feel.. :P

balik umah, da lewat. lepak² la kat luar umah dulu. siram² pokok skit, sapu daun² kering, lepak2 dgn jiran ke kejab. maghrib bru masuk dlm umah. sapu² dlm umah plak, kemas² skit, pahtu settlekan urusan time maghrib plak, mandi, solat... lepas isya', setel beg taska anak², school bag aina. kul9 - 9.30pm rehat ar kejab, tgk tv ke. kadang² stay up smp kul10pm. tp biasenye aku tido terus lepas setel semua hal. mau x mau, ne tido awal, klu x, pagi esok mesti liat gile babun nak bangun tido.. huhu

haha.. mcm robot kan. but i guess everybody got a similar routine like me. cume aku ni terlebih ngade gi post kat blog. hehe..

tunggu for part 3 plok.. cerita yg tak best pasal tempat keje... owhhh! boring!

New Job - Part 1

lame betul x update. haha. x tau nak cakap ape ah. :P

ok. this few months ade la beberapa perkara major yg berlaku dlm idup aku. hopefully ade la mase lepas ni nak update selalu.

why?

because, now I AM A WORKING MOMMY!

yesss.. that is.. aku start keje awal bulan july. so skrg ni belum pon cukup sebulan start keje. a big changes sbb da lama sangat aku memeramkan diri kat umah. sesuatu yg bukan senang tuk aku sesuaikan diri. i resigned from my last job on March 2007, means dah 4 tahun x keje! sgt lama...

dan saat pertukaran dr saat jd housewife to working mommy tu sgt drastik. kul1 ptg kawan called suruh dtg interview, kul3 ptg gi interview, kul7 ptg ofis called suruh masuk keje, the next morning, aku tercengang² kat ofis. so i was in a big-shock mode for quite some time, otak jd blur², emo jd x stabil, a bit down jugak la.

byk mende yg berlegar2 dlm otak mase tu. anak, hubby, rumah, keje baru, diri sendiri, cemane nak handle semua mende so x kelam kabut? uhhh.. paling merundum perasaan aku bile pikirkan anak², especially my youngest. kakak da biase skit sbb dia da start skolah awal thn ni. yg adik tu x pernah jauh dgn ibu, so dia sgt shock dan sgt down pada mulanya. situasi itu sgt² memberi kesan mendalam kat aku. rase bersalah, sedih, nak nangis jek time kat opis ble igt kat anak².

thankfully, the 1st week aku kat tempat keje bi ade lg kat rumah. so dia byk tolong cover la. klu time tu dia x de x tau la cane, mau aku reject job offer ni sbb x sempat nak handle semua. 2nd week sebelum bi gi keje everything da settled down, taska anak, transport, etc, aku da bleh manage sendiri dah. cuma emotionally je la kureng skit sbb bi da gi keje so my mental support da xde kat umah.. mlm² ble bi call bg brainwash, motivate, bru la rase ok.. thanx bi.. :)

tho, i was thankful for everything. moga ada la hikmah disebalik semuanya. moga diberkati dan dipermudahkan segala urusan. thanks to my bi hubby booo :P who always been there when i needed him the most. my lovey doters, Aina and Adya that i love with all my heart. my family, my cik, siblings. to my friend who helped me, Mama Iza. and especially to Allah. Alhamdulillah. even everything was so hard and emotional for me, i dont feel alone. i got everybody i needed. :)

Prince William and Kate Middleton Wedding

oh ya! petang tadi ade Live Wedding Prince William and Kate Middleton. oohhhh sgt jelous! haha! Prince William was my 1st crush ok! aku tido dengan gambo dia, ke mane2 bwk gambo dia, sayang dia sgt dr umo aku 14 tahun! Prince William Arthur Philip Louis Windsor, lahir pada 21 Jun 1982 kat Paddington, London. aku pernah berangan nak jumpe dia, berkawan dengan dia, kahwin dengan dia, hahaha..

tapi itu dulu la. zaman kanak2 aku. ble da makin besar aku patah hati pahtu beralih arah. hehe.. still ape2 cerita pasal dia aku suke sgt bace. sepanjang petang td aku spend bebetul duk hadap majlis dia. ohhh.. the wedding was so beautiful! Kate is a fortunate woman. hope they will live happily ever after. memang sgt2 excited tgk wedding ceremony dorg td. kalau la Lady Diana ade lg, lg gempak td.. hehe..

over plak haku.. hehe.. terasa excitement aku pada Will pada zaman dolu2 datang balik, tu je.. hehe..

bile hati terguris... T_T

bile org lain yang berkata² slalunye impak x la kuat sangat kan..? haku pedulik hape korang nak cakap... tapi bile org kte syg, sedara-mara, buat statement yang dengan sengaja dan bertujuan nak sakitkan hati, impak dr itu tersangat la menyakitkan...

aku ni plak sentimental dan sensetip sepanjang zaman.. ape nak buat.. kalu bleh elak, memang nak elak. tp bak kate pepatah orang tua², kerana mulut badan binasa, terlajak sampan bleh tarik balik, terlajak kata luka berdarah lah akibatnye..

sabo je lah. sama² la kita tunggu luka tu sembuh pahtu leh tambah koleksi parut yang huduh kat hati ini... huhu

cik puteh

tgh ari td lepas pick up aina kat skool, aku terus bwk anak² gi pet shop. hajat nak carikan carp fish gantikan arwah johnny, boifren baru tuk bella.. huhu

sampai je kat kedai tgk stok carp fish kat kedai tu xde yg besar, ade yang kecik² je.

aina mcm x nak carp kecik² tu. warna pon x sama. tp malas dah aku nak pusing² cari pet shop lain, aku beli je la...

so, we adopted this white and red headed carp fish. we named her Cik Puteh.

mesti ade yang pelik ngan post aku ni.. haha!

aku sejak dulu suke namakan semua mende kesayangan aku. tu la sebab nye.... hihi

x tau ngape tp aku suke dorg ade nama. bukan pet jek, teddy bear, or any soft toys klu aku suke aku akan namakan. ble da tua bangka mcm ni pon still x leh nak buang tabiat yg satu ni.. skrg aku perturunkan plak tabiat ni kat anak².

mungkin ble namakan dorg ni, aku akan rase lebih close ngan mende² kesayangan aku tu.

ni soft toy yang aku bli tahun 2001. still ade lg jd mainan anak² plak skrg. mate da buta sebelah, ade satu je mate. nama dia MooMoo. hihihi.. salah satu mende yang aku sayang dan still ade. scooter mosquito aku aritu aku namakan Itto.... hahaha.. tah le... tabiat buruk yang susah nak ilang.. :P

Hari ini hari Jumaat

Salam and good morning everyone..

It's 0930, aku bangun agak lewat pg ni, memandang arini still hari cuti aku. Anak² pon x bangun lg, so subuh td aku teruskan proses wat tait mate. Bermalas²an.. huhu.

Apa program arini? Hurm.. Hubby supposed to come home yesterday, but he didn't. Have to stayback for few more days. Dia jarang stayback, so ble dia x balik macam ni aku rase semacam jek.. Rase ade yg x cukup. Pagi² bangun da terasa mcm tertunggu² akan sesuatu tp x kunjung tiba. :)

Well, that's what ppl call rindu....

And i miss him so much.. :P

Btw, in case you are readers from my previous blog. My hubby is my Bi. We've been married for 4 and a half years now and we have 2 beautiful daughters.. Da kawen pon, but still kena berjauhan. Routine keje dia 2 weeks keje, 2 weeks bercuti. So, even dia keje jauh mcm tu, i am greatefull that he'll be home for the whole next 2 weeks..

Smlm dia called katenye x tau lg ble akan blk.. Hurm.. Kalu 2 thn lepas aku akan merungut. Tp skrg malas lah. I'll be a supportive wife and stop complaining. Dulu sakit jiwa jugak la nak terima, skrg aku da boleh terima hakikat keje dia mcm tu. So xpe la, as long as he works safely. Moga Allah slalu lindungi dia kat tempat keje.. Amin....

Enuf said... Have a great day everyone! :)

My new blog

Tetiba terasa nak buat blog baru. Tetiba lepas tu, muncul la blog baru ni..

Tak de sebab yg munasabah. Tp rase rindu nak blog.

One upon a time, aku ni salah sorg blogger yg rajin merepek kat blog.. Hopefully blog ni x la terpengaruh sgt dgn blog lame tu, terlalu merepek.. Arap blog ni jd satu permulaan yg baru...

Erm.. Arap ini bukan satu idea yg tak bagus.. Hu Hu..

Let's get started!

*My hands shacking while writing this post.. I wonder why..? :P